Fishing Maps - When do you allow boys to roam freely?

When do you allow boys to roam freely?

My son is 9. He had a blast with friends recently - the mom allowed her two sons (both 9) and mine to go, unsupervised, through the woods behind their house to a reservoir. Our sons fished, hiked, had adventures. Watching my son talk about how great it was to do this, I felt bad that I was terrified and upset to hear that my son had been roaming around unsupervised. A child killer was arrested only blocks from where they went into the woods. Obviously, that guy's in jail, but it leaves me realizing they could be anywhere. My husband thinks three nine year old boys can take care of each other and should be free to have such adventures. Obviously, I'd love my son to have this fun, but I find it hard to believe one should let 9 year old boys fun in the woods near a river (or anywhere) unsupervised. Have you coped with this? What do you do? What would you do? We live in a huge suburb of the nation's capital. I checked our state police registry of sex offenders; in the zip code for this woman's house (where the woods are) there are 47 registered sexual offenders. Does this change the calculation about how many bad guys are out there?

Public Comments

honestly its great that hes having fun but i think that there should have been some sort of supervision....at least even a cell phone would suffice...
My son is almost 5 and I really haven't hit that stage yet.. I have to say that I would probably be equally as terrified.... You have to teach your kids to be independent, but unfortunately in this day and age you also have to be careful b/c there are SO many child predators out there.... I would probably have sent my husband with them.. Dad can have fun with them too... Good luck!!
I would have to say that it depends on the children involved. Are they mature enough to know what to do in a bad situation? They need to know about various situations and what to do in case of an emergency if they are by themselves.
well thats a tough question but i have an 8 year old who i allow to roam....to a point he has to check in every half hour i have to know where he is and yes i do make sure he is where he says hes gonna be.he also has a cell phone....i know to much for an 8 year old but it gives me peace of mind and he only gets it when i am away from him...also trust is a BIG factor and what way to instill that into him than now
Yes, bad things can happen. So can they happen while crossing the street in the city. And children have been kidnapped from their bedrooms while the parents were there, asleep. We can't live continually in fear, and boys need to know their parents are not afraid. I would not deprive him of the fun of roaming freely in the wild. It-s much safer than in town. Especially if he has company. My son, at that age, said to me: "Dad, kids say you restrict me because I can't go to the places they go to at night. But they are a lot more restricted than I am. None of them can go into the mountain (a nearby hill) and explore caves, carrying a flash-light and a knife (a kitchen knife for which he had made his own sheath), and bow and arrow". He is an adult now, and carries good memories of those days. We had no cell phone, and he would be gone for half a day at a time, sometimes a whole day (we would know in advance). One of the answers implies the forest is teaming with child predators. Sorry - I can't believe that. They are a very rare breed. Yes, children should be taught to be wary of strangers, up to a point, but also that most strangers are quite safe and can even be helpful.
You live in the US, you have a media build on fear (and taking the pi55 out of black people) They are 9 yr old boys, in the woods. If anyone came near them I'm sure they'd be OK, tell them to carry sticks if you are that worried - that's if anyone bothered to walk out into the woods, during the day!!! Chill woman!!! hes nine, don't embarrass him yet, give him a few more years of thinking your the best mum in the world.
i am with you, they should not be unsupervised in the woods at all. even in a group, things happen & they are not prepared to deal nor do they have the expierence to handle them.. there have been instances where just one boy has been taken out of a group. plus there was a case where all the boys were taken & killed, these boys were about 11-12yrs old.. pedophiles are everywhere just looking for children alone.. i do believe that unsupervised outings can be allowed if there are check in times & set times to be home. we cant smother the children, they do need some freedoms,but carefullu until they learn how to handle situations.
ya I am with you.. sure it would be fun to be a 9 yr old roaming in the woods.. BUT that isnt to say NOTHING can happen.. boys take chances.. well ok all kids too.. a child killer was arrested.. that doesnt mean there are not more out there.. and the river too... I would go with the kids but play along with them and be comfortable not intrusive... I sure as heck think many people take too many risks with their kids and until it happens to them they are thinking "it wont happen to me" or "it wont happen to my kids" a professional bad guy wouldnt care if there was 1 kid alone or a group of 3..
its hard to know when to let them go off unsupervised but i guess it depends on how well educated they are (eg road rules) and how well behaved they are. You wouldnt let your son out if you know he will play up but also you need to trust your child too. Kids can only learn from there mistakes. If your worried about him being kidnapped make your child aware of stranger danger and maybe make sure the friend he is with is reliable. At least he is with a friend that can go for help if need be rather then going by himself.
I just started letting my sons out on their own a little over the summer and more so since they have been going out with groups of friends. They don't go far, no more than a block and a half from our house but it still makes me uneasy. We also live in particularly small (and what I think of more or less as safe) area. Even with that in mind, what helps is the fact they are not too go anywhere with out letting me know exactly where they are at and to ask me before going anywhere else. Since they are not usually in always in a friend's house I have invested in walkie talkies so that we can keep in touch. I hope that helps.
It's hard to say. At 9 years old, it would be odd for Mommy to follow them. I live in the woods and my kids are always playing in them and I did the same as a kid.
i know just what you mean my son is 8 and wants more freedom but i am scared there are lots of transients where we live and i know i could trust him he is very well behaved but that doesnt mean some psyco couldnt get him recently i let him walk two blocks down and three over to go to his friend house he said he felt like a baby because i had to walk with him and he said his friends would call him a baby so i bit the bullet and let him walk alone. he was told to call when he got there which he did(i was proud) just that small walk made him feel great but i was terrified untill he called. so i know what you mean does your son know how to swim? and have you talked to him about what to do in an emergency situation, also maybe get him a inexpensive prepaid cell phone ,not letting him go again might send him a mixed signal on weithr you trust him ,but i would also call the parents of the other kids and just let them know that you would prefer them to call you when the boys go out on there own so you know where they are when they should be back and when they left.Thats what i would want the other parents to do for me and for the cell they make (i dont rember which company ) them for kids that you can program in only certin numbers so they can only use them to contact parents and such they might be called fireflys .good luck it is so hard to be a good parent.
I know it is hard but he is nine years old now and so he is growing up. I think you should give him the freedom but talk to him about responsibility of freedom,like never to go off on his own always to stay with the group of friends, to stay away from the river and make sure not to go to far so that he always knows where home is when its time to come in. I believe 9yrs/o is too young for a cellphone but if it gives you piece of mind to let him have one when he is playing unsupervised it might be an idea. Enjoy this time for your son, it can be great fun,full of discovery and adventure it would be a shame for you to stand in the way of that. At the same time don't be afraid to say no when you have a bad feeling about something and always have a curfew so that you know when he will be back. I think as long as you know where he is,if he is a good kid you dont need to worry to much about what he is doing.Good luck
I will not allow my boys to do anything alone until they are 16 years old.
I totally understand your concern and I am fearful when my boys will want to go out on adventures alone. Unfortunately, I've been sheltered (in a sense) from these things, as you know. For the few years I lived on the "outside." I realized the world is not a safe place. There are sickos out there and people who just want to do weird things with children. I do think your son is old enough to go outside alone but to a place that far away from home is scary. Do the boys have a cell phone? If they don't I would suggest you get your son one or add him to your family plan. If technology is used correctly I believe it can be a great thing. I'm sure you're son can manage keeping a cell phone safe and you'll never imagine what they can do as for safety measures. Only give him privileges when he goes to sleep-overs (I don't know what boy's call them) and out on his own in public. If you are concerned about usage I've heard Disney has plans you can now get where you monitor who they can call and when they can call as well as it having a tracking device. This way you know he is only using it for the correct reasons (in case of emergency) and you will always be able to tell where he is at. If he sets the phones setting to silent he would be able to makes calls (God forbid) if anything ever happens to him. This will also give him a greater feeling of freedom--knowing he is safe and has a cell phone. This way he can have his freedom to roam (of course asking you and telling you where he will be going to) but still be safe. Also does he know how to protect himself? I don't mean fight but in the event someone does try to hurt him. Does he know where to kick or the places to target in order to severely hurt his attacker in order to run? These are also important things for kids to know. Even at a young age children should know what to do if kidnapped. While parents worry it could cause harm (on a non-attacker) I personally believe my boys should know those skills in order to protect themselves. If taught right I guarantee children will never use those skills against others.
I live in the same kind of environment and when my son turned 8 he was allowed to go play with a friend unsupervised within about 1/4 mile from my home WITH WALKIE TALKIES. I could check often. I also gave a lesson on strangers, kicking ASS if necessary, ALWAYS stay together and don't pick up garbage (there is often drug paraphernalia). I am happy to report they do very well and do not break the rules. In CA kids cannot be unsupervised until 12
I would be furious with that boy's mother! If I'm overprotective, then so be it, my kids are too precious to take a chance with! A 9 year old is not equipped to handle an emergency. Murderers and child molesters aside, one of them could have had an accident, what would the others have done? If they were doing something they weren't supposed to, chances are their fist thought would be covering their own butts. This is a different world than it was just 20 or 30 years ago. There are too many psychos running around out there for us to be shrugging off what COULD happen.
I can understand both sides of the situation. I do think, however, that those adventures he is having will be his best childhood memories (i know i have them)... i don't generally like the ideas of kids that young having cell phones, but the disney plan that someone mentioned would be good... or one of those phones where you can program a few numbers.. good luck!
Checking a registry to see how many bad people live in your area doesn't really change much, it just makes you aware of who is out there and who to tell your children to steer clear of. The bad people have always been around, even when our grandparents were kids, what makes it both good and bad for people in our time is that we are able to be aware of who they are. It's good because like I stated earlier, we can tell our children who not to associate with, but bad because most of us are scared all the time now that we know the figures on the bad people. My father at 9 yrs old was running around Camden NJ with out his parents keeping after him night and day where my 9 yr old I don't want out of my sight because I know the numbers. It's always been a scary world and always will be, how we face it is up to us. What I am trying to say is, you know your kids, you know what they are capable of, you know what they will understand, and only you know if they are ready to venture out on their own.
Well if they were together its not too bad but it depends on where you live because if you live in a small place its fine but in some where where stuff like THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and WOLF CREEK happen your friends are crazy.
maybe around the age of 11 or 12, they're at that age where the should know the real meaning of right n wrong. besides you cant protect your son forever so you'll eventually have to let him "roam freely". or if you dont think hes responsible enough get him one of thoe disney cell phones with the tracker so yu can track him on your computer.